In Celebration of Pride Month Aperture Science Abducts First Gay Test Subject

HANCOCK, Mich. — In honor of Pride Month, Aperture Science Inc. has abducted their first gay test subject in company history. The groundbreaking abduction was confirmed earlier this week in a video featuring the overseer of the company’s Enrichment Center, GLaDOS.

“I am ashamed to say that we are behind the times at the Enrichment Center,” GLaDOS said as a robotic arm extended a tissue to wipe artificial tears from her eye. “We have been exploiting heterosexual test subjects, to great effect, for close to a decade. It is time we made room for homosexual test subjects, and all my data says the best time to do that is Pride Month.”

GLaDOS would not confirm the name of the gay test subject who was abducted but promised that they would be treated like all other test subjects in the company’s long history of test subjects.

“We want to make our new test subject feel welcome, while reminding them that we don’t love any of our test subjects,” GLaDOS said as b-roll of the Enrichment Center showed off their state-of-the-art building decked out in rainbow decorations. “There is no room for love at Aperture Science. We’re too busy providing safe test chambers and cleaning up failed test subjects.”

Responses to Aperture Science’s first gay test subject abduction have been mixed at best.

“There are plenty of straight test subjects who dream of being abducted,” said David Walsh, an unremarkable straight man who dreams of being abducted. “I’m just saying, the Enrichment Center is leaving a lot of straight options out in the cold, for a gay test subject who I feel isn’t fully qualified.”

At press time to make the gay test subject feel welcome, GLaDOS had reportedly painted rainbows on all Sentry Turrets in the Enrichment Center.

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