Original Coverage & Source Attribution: www.cbr.com
Nostalgia can make up for a lot, especially when it comes to children’s movies, but it can’t fix everything. There are some kids’ films that really hit hard when they first came out, becoming classics of the screen, but simply couldn’t stand the test of time. All these years or even decades later, they’re not just worse than you remember–they’re actually bad.
While there’s no accounting for taste, some movies are almost universally agreed upon as disappointing on a rewatch. From classic Disney movies that survive on limited charm to insufferable comedies that should never have gotten popular in the first place, these movies are all nearly unwatchable today.
The Master of Disguise Is So Dumb… It’s Annoying
What do you get when you combine comedy legend Dana Carvey, a host of recognizable 2000s stars, and a legion of silly disguises? Utter disaster, as it turns out. The Master of Disguise stars Carvey as Pistachio Disguisey, the latest in a long line of super spies with a magnificent array of disguises. The film more than doubled its paltry budget of $16 million when it came out in 2002, but it is utter garbage from start to finish.
While it was a financial success, The Master of Disguise has never been well-liked. It has an egregious 1% approval rating from critics on Rotten Tomatoes, indicating universal hatred for the film. The movie feels like scene after scene of rejected Saturday Night Live bits, almost none of which actually elicit any laughs whatsoever. While Carvey is a beloved comedian, The Master of Disguise makes a strong case for the television academies to take away his Emmys.
Howard the Duck May Be the Worst Comic Book Movie of All Time
Comic book movie fans love to say that any fresh disappointment is “the worst comic book movie of all time,” which is frankly ridiculous since that dishonor goes to Howard the Duck. The 1986 movie is the result of a partnership between Marvel Comics and George Lucas, bringing the titular superhero duck to the big screen for the first time.
Where to start with Howard the Duck? The movie is tremendously unfunny, though it seems extremely confident in its extended gags, dull jokes, and slapstick comedy. It also lacks any of the charm or immersive action that has since made the comic book movie industry so successful. But worst of all, Howard the Duck markets itself as a children’s movie while including some of the most offensive, egregiously inappropriate moments of any Marvel movie ever.
Mac and Me Is a Ridiculous E.T. Ripoff
Mac and Me follows the young Eric Cruise, whose life changes forever when he encounters Mac (Mysterious Alien Creature), an alien who escaped from a NASA research facility. The two team up to try to find Mac’s family before the humans discover him. If the plot of this 1988 children’s film sounds at all familiar, that’s because it’s basically the exact same as Steven Spielberg’s far superior 1982 film, E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial.
Younger audiences may not care that Mac and Me is a blatant ripoff of a better movie, but as an adult, it’s impossible not to see the similarities. If the movie added anything different to the E.T. story, it might be better remembered, but it seemed more interested in replicating its predecessor’s success. Ultimately, the best thing that Mac and Me brought to pop culture is Paul Rudd’s fantastic running bit on Conan.
Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over Has Not Aged Well
Robert Rodriguez’s Spy Kids movies are all very much the kind of films that you can easily enjoy as a child, but struggle to return to as an adult. Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over fits this description the best. The sequel primarily follows Juni Cortez as he journeys into cyberspace to save his sister, Carmen, who has gone missing while on a mission inside a video game created by the villainous Toymaker, played by Sylvester Stallone.
As its title suggests, Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over marketed itself heavily on its 3D visuals. The only problem is that it has some of the ugliest, worst-looking visuals of any film of the 2000s. The movie is horribly dated in every sense of the word, making it almost painful to revisit more than twenty years later. Today, the most fun part of Spy Kids 3 is spotting cameos from future superstars like Selena Gomez, Elijah Wood, and Glenn Powell.
Camp Rock Is Painfully Cringey
High School Musical‘s success pushed Disney Channel to produce countless copycat films in hopes of launching a similar franchise. The most notable of these is Camp Rock, which stars Demi Lovato as Mitchie Torres, who attends a musical summer camp where superstar Shane Black (Joe Jonas) has been sent to rediscover his roots. The film was a big success for Disney, leading to a sequel in 2010 and a recent third film, which serves as a soft reboot of the franchise.
Camp Rock is still beloved today, but mostly for the memes it generated. Almost every scene of the movie is painfully cringey, from the incessant overuse of the “Disney knees” during every single musical performance to the incredibly basic dialogue. Upon a rewatch, Camp Rock was clearly written by middle-aged adults who thought they knew how teenagers talked–and were wrong.
Dumbo Has One of the Thinnest Stories of Any Disney Classic
We get it. You have good memories of Dumbo from childhood. It’s still a bad movie. In fact, it’s a very bad movie. The 1941 animated classic from Walt Disney Productions tells the iconic story of the infant elephant Dumbo, who joins the circus, where he learns how to fly. While it isn’t without its charming moments, it is the weakest Disney classic by far.
There are exactly two memorable plot points in Dumbo: Dumbo’s separation from his mother and his learning how to fly. These are the opening and closing scenes of the movie. Everything in between is either deeply forgettable or incredibly problematic. From possibly racist crows to extended hallucination sequences, Dumbo feels a lot longer than its 64-minute runtime.
The Adventures of Milo & Otis Is a Nothing-Burger of a Movie
You probably have fond memories of a fuzzy orange tabby cat befriending an adorable pug puppy, but The Adventures of Milo & Otis isn’t nearly as good as you remember. The 1986 Japanese film may have adorable lead characters, but it is hardly worth a revisit as an adult. Besides its thin story, the movie may also be the most horrifying entry on this list.
In the years since the movie’s release, the production crew behind The Adventures of Milo & Otis has been accused of severe animal cruelty. While the allegations haven’t been proven, there were rumors of murdered and maimed animals during the film’s production, sometimes in truly horrific fashion. Knowing this, it’s almost impossible to rewatch the classic kids’ movie.
The Cat in the Hat (2003) Is a Rough Watch
Mike Myers is a comedy genius, and Dr. Seuss was one of the best children’s writers of all time. Together, however, the two simply don’t gel. 2003’s The Cat in the Hat attempts to bring Dr. Seuss’s classic story to life with Myers in the titular role. The final product doesn’t have the magic of the source material, and it barely even functions as a real movie.
The Cat in the Hat feels like a pipe dream come to life, complete with insane bits by Mike Myers, bizarre and upsetting imagery, and a whole lot of jokes that don’t land. The movie is a tour de force in misguided talent, resulting in one of the worst retellings of a classic book in the history of Hollywood. The inane jokes and bright colors may have been appealing to young audiences in 2003, but an adult deserves a medal if they sit through more than ten episodes of this slop.
Space Jam Isn’t Nearly as Good as You Remember
Space Jam is beloved, perhaps as the most well-liked Looney Tunes movie of all time. It features the classic Warner Bros. characters as they team up with basketball star Michael Jordan for a fateful match with the villainous Monstars. It’s perfectly okay to still like the film if you grew up with it. But anyone who watches Space Jam as an adult will see that it is not a good movie.
Space Jam was famously a disaster behind the scenes, and it shows in the final product. Director Joe Pytka failed to understand the complexity of filming animated characters alongside live-action actors, leading to a turbulent post-production process that didn’t help an already weak script. This, combined with Michael Jordan’s tepid acting, makes Space Jam much less fun as an adult.
The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl Is a Nightmare Come to Life
From the director of Spy Kids, The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl follows imaginative youngster Max whose fantasy world comes to life, alongside his original superheroes, Sharkboy and Lavagirl. Together, the trio journeys across fantastical lands to save the day and defeat a nefarious villain.
The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl takes all the cringey bits of Spy Kids and expands them beyond measure. The movie is almost impossible to watch, with atrocious CGI, endlessly meme-able dialogue, and a story that only makes sense in dreams. While it is filled with memorable scenes, they aren’t usually memorable for good reason (e.g., young Taylor Lautner singing).
