Original Coverage & Source Attribution: www.thetvratingsguide.com
BENNY has called a meeting with SASHA, KYLIE, NICOLE, AUSTIN, TREVOR, BLAKE, and DEVIN.
BENNY
I’m sure you’ve all seen the latest ratings report.
AUSTIN
Yes, Sir!
AUSTIN INTERVIEW
This is only the second time Anchorage has registered at all in the ratings so…this is kind of a big moment for me.
BENNY
So, I’m sure you all know why I called you in today.
AUSTIN INTERVIEW
Here it comes!!!
BENNY
This ratings report warrants special celebration of–
AUSTIN INTERVIEW
Greatest day of my life.
BENNY
RSN Des Moines.
BENNY starts clapping.
BENNY
Remarkable steadiness at our latest and greatest station. Job well done, everyone.
AUSTIN’s mouth is agape.
AUSTIN
What about–
BENNY
RSN Des Moines might not be our highest-rated station yet, but it’s far and away my favorite.
KYLIE
Well, at least you admit it.
SASHA
Benny, can I ask why you like it so much?
BENNY
Easy. I made the deal to bring it from Complete Sports to RSN. This is my leadership in action!
DEVIN
Better than your leadership inaction, am I right?
BENNY
That’s literally what I just said.
DEVIN
I said inaction. Not in action. Just a little joke.
BENNY gives DEVIN a long stare.
BENNY
I don’t get it.
DEVIN doesn’t answer.
BENNY
Moving on, we just need to figure out how to get RSN Des Moines up to a 1.0.
AUSTIN rolls his eyes.
AUSTIN
Benny, did you read the rest of the ratings report? Or just RSN Des Moines?
BENNY
Just RSN Des Moines, why?
NICOLE
As you would have noticed, all our other stations surged with the football simulcasts. And they weren’t even professional football games!
BENNY
So we should have football on Des Moines!
TREVOR
We just added that.
BLAKE
Benny, Des Moines was a flop this week.
BENNY
Impossible.
KYLIE
It’s literally the only station that didn’t see a ratings surge.
TREVOR
Even RSN+ did well. Des Moines just stayed steady.
BENNY
Ever hear of the story of the turtle with the hair?
SASHA
Goodbye.
SASHA walks out laughing.
BENNY INTERVIEW
So basically, once upon a time there was a turtle that had hair. It was really slow, except at the end…I don’t remember exactly, but it won the race. In spite of its hair. I think. Or maybe it was because of it?
BLAKE
I’ve actually heard of the story of the turtle with the hair. Remind me though…
BENNY
That’s beside the point. Des Moines will out-rate Los Angeles one day, you’ll see!
NICOLE INTERVIEW
I like Benny’s mentality. Whatever it takes to get Los Angeles off its #1 perch, I’m down for.
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